Bring the Kids! It’s Lap Dance Day!

Fun for the whole family!
Fun for the whole family!
While I realize that “Family Values” aren’t what they were when I was a kid, and that in many ways that’s not a bad thing, there are still some things that give me pause. The mom who sent a stripper to her son’s school for his 16th birthday comes to mind. Or the thoughtful mom who rented a hotel room stocked with booze for her 15 year old child. Just because a boy becomes a man at 13 in some cultures doesn’t mean that’s the day to buy him a hooker. Wait until he’s 16 or 17 so the young man can appreciate the gift. The same applies to young ladies. Just because they’ve gotten their “special gift” doesn’t mean you need to bust out the gigolo that day. Wait a few years so they can enjoy the moment and blog appropriately.

Simply put, things are different now than when I was a kid.

But not this much.

The city of Boston, which is well known for its baked beans and incomprehensible accents, is also the home of a professional Lacrosse team called The Blazers. If it weren’t for me I doubt you’d have known about it. And that’s kind of the problem. Even in Boston no one knows about them. Since the existing fans of Lacrosse tend to be younger and female, the obvious answer for increasing attendance was for the team to hold a lap dance contest.

Wait? What?

As Rick Chandler of NBC Sports reports, this may not have been the most well thought out idea they’d had.

When you’re a struggling pro sport looking for ways to draw fans, my suggestion to you is the same as it always has been: please resist the temptation to have a halftime lap dance contest. Sure, they’re fun … and it’s a good way to begin that sex education talk with your kids that you’ve been putting off. But the fallout just isn’t worth it.

The Boston Blazers pro lacrosse team is taking heat for its latest promotion, a halftime lap dance contest. As you can somewhat see in the cell phone video below, the Blazers’ mascot, Scorch, is seated in a chair in the middle of TD Garden as several ladies compete to see who can favor him with the best lap dance.

The entire incident is currently “trending on Google,” which is the same thing you can say for Scorch’s pants, if you know what I mean.

From MyFoxBoston:

“They put this red carpet down and there’s Scorch sitting in a chair,” said Blazers fan Catherine Smith. “And you see girls walking up to him and start giving him a lap dance. And it’s like what’s going on. I kind of had to let the shock run through me, it was really weird.”

It was all a promotion to see who gave Scorch the best lap dance emceed by a local DJ.

Those three lap dances were also broadcast on the Garden Jumbo-Tron. Fans were outraged, especially Kelsey-Dana Trombas, who was at the game with six of her cousins, ages 10 years and younger, all watching a sport that is desperately trying to build a fan base.

“At the end of the lap dance with one of the girls, they did a ‘boing’ sound,” said Kelsey. “And I think we all know what that means.”

The team issued a statement on Sunday apologizing for the promotion. Meanwhile, great comedy is afoot on the Blazers’ Facebook page, where fans are debating the wisdom of the promotion.

Side note, it appears that the Blazers’ Facebook page has been shut down and replaced with a Wiki link that doesn’t mention this faux pas.

Now, to be perfectly honest, I happen to think that a nice lap dance is a wonderful thing. I’ve gotten them in (age appropriate) clubs, hotel rooms and at home. And I’ve enjoyed each and every one. While it’s not the type of thing that you go downtown, grab two and then give your friend one (think about it), it’s still a very, VERY, friendly way to kill some time.

That being said, I’ve never, not once, had the desire to take my neighbor’s daughters (who range in age from 6 to 11) to a lap dance contest.

Not even a little bit.

Which leads me to wonder how they promoted this thing? It’s clear that no one knew about it until it happened – “Hey mommy, what’s that lady doing to the guy in the costume?” – and it’s just as obvious that had fans been informed the team would have learned the error of its ways.

One other thing I learned from watching the video is that I’ll never get a lap dance in Boston. Those girls had all the dancing skills of a demented penguin.

Racy halftime show at Boston Blazers game featured lap dance competition:

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