The Soundtrack of your Kidnapping?

Thugs in training.
Thugs in training.
Since it has come to my attention that not all of my readers are as worldly wise as I, I’m going to take a moment to point out some useful facts. CSI is a science fiction television show. With a major emphasis on the word “fiction.” Another thing I should point out is that, unlike on that show, most crimes do not come with a really cool soundtrack. Bank robbers aren’t banging the latest TripThrottle track as they wave their guns in the air. Cops don’t hum Moby’s Pale Horses when they find the body. Just because a crime’s been committed in a Latin neighborhood doesn’t mean that everyone suddenly knows the words to DJ Papito Red’s Shake It. I don’t care how much Vin Diesel likes the cut.

This knowledge all came as a rude surprise to a suburban woman when her husband butt dialed her. She heard some rap music on the phone and jumped to the, for her, obvious conclusion; her husband had been kidnapped by angry black people. MSNBC reports on what happened next.

SWAT teams swarmed a Chicago-area school Monday evening after some hip-hop music and an accidental phone call led a woman to believe her husband was being held hostage, officials said.

Toting automatic weapons and clad in riot gear, SWAT team members stormed the Winnetka, Ill., school where the woman’s husband works and searched it for nearly three hours — all because of a so-called “butt-dial.”

“You know how when you sit on your phone when it’s in your back pocket and it calls the last number that was dialed? His wife was the last number he’d dialed,” Winnetka Police Chief Joseph De Lopez told the Chicago Tribune.

“He was listening to music and he had, I don’t know, hip-hop … or music like that, where there were lyrics that were gangster-like,” said Mark Friedman, the school district’s superintendent. “So there were lyrics on the radio as he was driving home, and she listened to it and became concerned.”

The wife, who was not identified, told 911 that when she received the call, she could not get her husband to respond, reported Pioneer Local, leading her to believe he was being held hostage by a gunman in his office.

The sweep at the Carleton Washburne School ended when the man was found safe at home by police, the Tribune reported. The man, who is an administrative employee at the school, declined to comment on the situation.

“He’s embarrassed,” Superintendent Friedman told the Tribune. “Who wouldn’t be? He’s taking it hard that it created such a response.”

The 500 students who attend the middle school had left for the day by the time the 30 officers, some in bulletproof vests and helmets with face shields, arrived.

Winnetka police had no estimate of how much was spent on resources during the false alarm. After both the employee and his wife were interviewed by investigators, it was deemed that there was no intent to deceive police. No charges will be filed.

“After both the employee and his wife were interviewed by investigators, it was deemed that there was no intent to deceive police.” What that really means is “We can’t believe someone this stupid is allowed to walk upright.”

But now the real fun begins. First the hubby has to explain how his white bread booty became enamored with gangsta rap. Then someone, talking very slowly and with pictographic support, has to explain to the wife that not all rappers are intent on kidnapping low paid administrative assistants. I say that since there are no highly paid ones. Then, and I bet this conversation takes the longest, someone has to let her know that not all black people are gangsters.

I see weeks passing there.

I can’t even begin to think what they’re going to tell the kids at the Carleton Washburne School. I hope it’s a teaching moment along the lines of “Crazy, ignorant, ladies are far more dangerous than rappers.”

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