Goodbye 2011

Today is the last day of 2011. At least according to this version of the calendar. According to the lunar calendar used by Jews and others 2011 ended about a thousand years before Christ was born. And according to the Julian calendar we may or may not be ending 2011 but we certainly will, possibly – depending on what part of Africa you currently live in, need to deal with crop planting in two weeks. Don’t even get me started on the Babylonian calendar … those wacky garden freaks. Let’s…

Read More

We End as We Began

We rocked into 2011 surrounded by idiots and Floridians. We leave 2011 in the dust with much the same crowd. In fact I can’t remember a year where there has been so much bad science. Oh, sure, you’d get the occasional “this bracelet cures arthritis” or something like that. But recent years have given way to pseudo-science and outright fraud at an alarming rate. From the anti-immunization insanity – thanks for helping people catch previously wiped out diseases you morons – to the flat out fraud of anti-evolution crowd, people…

Read More

Well, It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Lots of things seem like good ideas at the time. I’m sure 20% of marriages could be chalked up to “Why not Smootchie-Poo? There’s a chapel in Vegas.” The same reason hospitals now post signs in maternity wards reminding people that carnal relations, at this point of events, are a bad idea. Why? Because someone said “Hey honey, my water jes broke, wanna get one more time in afore they wheel me away?” I’ve already regaled readers with my own attempts at creative suicide when I tried to pretend I…

Read More

Really? You Actually Believe That?

First off, a moment of silence. Hollywood lost one of its greats today. Cheetah, the true star of many 1930’s Tarzan movies as passed away at the tender age of 80. For those of you considering a simian companion, I feel I should point out that most of you won’t even sniff 80, let alone live that long. So, you might want to go the puppy route instead. Or kitty. Kitties are nice too. Okay, before we get to our big story of stupidity today, I want to look at…

Read More

Who Needs Aliens with Freaks Like These?

Today’s a pretty good day to be me. Not that you’d want to do that, your family would have you committed, but if you were used to the rigors of living my life then today would not be a bad day in the great pantheon of days. Thanks to the Divine Ms. Freak I got the Christmas present I really wanted. Some would say sorely needed. Plus I scored a new gig for the new year and got to eat Chinese. Not a bad way to start a week if…

Read More

Thank Baby Jesus, Christmas is Over!

I didn’t know how much I missed depravity and idiocy until I spent a week writing about Christmas. Oh, sure, there’s a lot of violence and booze associated with the holiday, and that’s just the officially sanctioned stuff, but it wasn’t the same. Most of it was historical and I missed the immediacy of the real world. Not that sharing how Christmas caroling evolved from stoning your neighbors wasn’t fun, but it’s not like I could share a video or anything. And, really, is there a holiday story that can…

Read More

Kringle’s Krismass Korner

Why did I spell it wrong? Why not? Anyway, I received an email asking me to come up with a single link for all the Christmas posts that I have foisted on the masses this week. The lady who made the request mentioned that the articles were “informative and disturbing.” That may be the highest praise I’ve ever earned. She also wanted to just send one link to all her friends. I guess she wants everyone to be as informed and disturbed as she is. Who am I to deny…

Read More

Google’s Racist and Other Fun Holiday Stories

I’m a middle aged white guy who’s had a lot on his mind recently so I hope you’ll forgive me taking a while to figure some stuff out. This week, in preparation for the BIG Holiday Special on WBIG today at 9:10 AM Central Time, I’ve been researching the heck out of the history of Christmas. Now, just so you know a little how the World News Center works, I rarely bother checking the images that the daily robots bring back along with the stories they find. They are simply…

Read More

On The Lighter Side of Christmas

I received a lovely email yesterday from a regular reader. She said some very nice things about me and life in general and then got to the point. The point was that, as informative as this week’s articles have been about the holidays, I was “depressing the (expletive deleted) out of (her).” I guess I can see that. The history of Christmas is one of political compromise, violence and drunken debauchery. Not exactly the first thoughts that spring to mind when you think about ways to celebrate the birth of…

Read More

The Christmas Effect

Before we begin I’d like to take a moment to wish all of our Jewish readers a Happy Hanukkah. Their festival of eight crazy nights started last night. In all honesty if you asked the average non-Jew what they know about Hanukkah you’d probably get an answer like “it’s that thing that Adam Sandler sings about.” If you got any response at all, that is. To be honest it is only in recent years that Hanukkah has taken on any significance whatsoever. Until recently Hanukkah held the same import for…

Read More