Thank God I Don’t Live in Milwaukee

Yeah, @!$% to you too.
Yeah, @!$% to you too.

I’m an adult male. As such I’ve been known to use the occasional colorful turn of a phrase. Certainly I will use a witty riposte or clever colloquialism to enhance a point. I might even say something whimsical like forgupple or damn skippy. I’ve also been known to use some of George Carlin’s favorite 7 Words You Can Never Say on TV. Often, when I’m on a roll, I can work four or five into a single sentence. Once, in a legendary moment, I hit all 7 with a doubling of #3 before the first punctuation mark was even implied.

And it came as no shock to my fellow Hippoites that I’m linguistically creative. The producers were well acquainted with my propensity for for altering censorship rules.

And if they weren’t, well ….. f**k ’em.

That’s short for fork.

However, until now, my linguistic proclivities have never threatened to end my fat butt in jail. But, thanks to some pinhead in Milwaukee, it’s now illegal to swear in public.

A Milwaukee man thinks it’s pretty darn ridiculous that he got fined $500 for swearing on a county bus.

Duncan says he’s new to Milwaukee, didn’t know about the law and pointed out it’s not posted anywhere in the bus. He says he simply cursed during a conversation and that the words weren’t directed at a specific person. He says he’ll fight the ticket in court.

A spokeswoman for Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke says he’s warned the public about his zero-tolerance approach to disorderly conduct on buses. She says he considers it a quality-of-life issue.

Quality of life? QUALITY OF FREAKING LIFE?!?!?!?! Damn straight it’s a quality of life issue. The quality of my life would seriously suffer under the pseudo-fascist rule imposed by that (insert insult to his masculinity) sheriff.

What’s next? Am I no longer to be allowed to undress pretty women with my eyes? Will Mark Twain’s efforts be banned? Will Milwaukee football fans be wrapped in duct tape when the Packers fall out of the playoffs? Will it become illegal for women to go to the bathroom?

“What’s that last one,” you say? Trust me, if you’d ever been allowed to overhear women left to their own devices you’d know that they make horny Marines on leave sound like nuns.

Speaking of which, is the limp d***ked city to the north planning on arresting every Marine on leave? Gosh I hope so. I’d love to hear Sheriff David Clarke tell those men and women that they fought and died so that he could limit their freedoms.

There’s only one thing to do in a case like this, dedicate a song to the lily livered bastard.

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