What A Waste of Perfectly Good Money

Yet another way to waste money.
Yet another way to waste money.

For those who think this is going to be one of those pretentious polemics whining about the government’s wasteful purchase of $10,000 toilet seats or some fool’s ridiculously overpriced wedding, you are about to be disappointed. It’s not that I can’t write about stuff like that, it’s just that it’s not really funny. I’d rather leave you with a smile than a splitting headache.

Besides, I’m in a good mood this morning, so why drag myself down?

My Northwest Dot Com reports that a group of bank robbers decided to evade capture by tossing large quantities of money out of the window of a Nissan Maxima. Much to their surprise the police were not baffled by this stunt and simply followed the trail of blowing cash to make the arrests.

Authorities in Alabama say all they had to do to catch six bank robbery suspects was follow the money flying out the window of a speeding car.

The Gadsden Times reports that a deputy spotted the red Nissan Maxima cruising down a state highway, the cash left in its wake.

Cherokee County Sheriff Jeff Shaver says four gunmen took an undisclosed amount of money during the robbery Tuesday at Union State Bank.

He says the six suspects ditched their first getaway car and got into the Maxima to try and throw off authorities.

Shaver says all the suspects ran away after the car wrecked. But all six men were eventually arrested. One was found hiding in a garbage can by tracking dogs.

One side note here, Alabama uses prison inmates to pick up trash along their highway system. Something tells me that there’ll be a tad more security when they attempt to recoup all that cash.

Insert Cool Hand Luke joke here.

But that’s just a run of the mill bank robbery, when all is said and done, where’s the funny?

Oh ye of little faith.

Let’s get to the story of the nice young man who took a 70 year old woman out to run her errands and made a stop so she could rob a bank.

Happy now?

My Northwest Dot Com also does a nice job of bullet pointing this one, so I’ll let them share with the class.

A 26-year-old man thought he was doing a good deed when he gave a 70-year-old woman a ride to a Minnesota bank.

But police say the woman robbed the bank, and the man was her unsuspecting getaway driver.

The man told The Free Press of Mankato that he thought the woman, who rents an apartment from his mother, was going to the bank to withdraw cash to pay her rent.

Instead, employees of the Elysian State Bank reported Wednesday that an “elderly woman” told the teller she had a gun, demanded money and left with an undisclosed amount.

Police stopped the car and took both into custody before determining the woman acted alone.

The Star Tribune reported the woman had a hammer but no gun. She’s in jail, pending charges.

A hammer? Who the hell robs a bank with a hammer?

70 year old women, that’s who.

I bet you’ll never look at your sainted, dear old, granny the same way again.

And you’ve gotta feel for the guy. How does he make that one phone call from the station to his mom and even begin to sound like he’s sane?

“Well, you see Mom, Mrs. Fluffengruber robbed a bank right after we got her Depends … yes Mom, that Mrs. Fluffengruber … no Mom, I haven’t been drinking …. MOM! Just get your ass down to the jail and bring money!!!!”

Ah, the ribald hilarity of it all.

Hopefully you’ve learned something today. After the bank robbery keep the cash in the car and make sure the getaway driver doesn’t obey the traffic signs.


CABARET – Money

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