Mom’s Chicken is the Best!

Getch your grubby mitts offa my chicken!
Getch your grubby mitts offa my chicken!

This is one of those stories that speaks for itself. You can almost hear the banjos in the distance. It’s especially poignant since this is the time of year for bloggers and regular media alike to bust out all the treacle they can and talk about families and love and crap like that and, as I’m sure you’ve learned, I never could resist a traditional family anecdote.

Well, this may well be the perfect holiday story since it has everything.

2 middle aged brothers visiting their mom? Check. Same 2 middle aged brothers waiting for mom to cook dinner? Check. Pan fried chicken with extra grease? Check. A vicious fight involving a crowbar? Check. Police involvement? Check. While the alcohol use of the 2 gentlemen isn’t mentioned in the story, I can see no way in hell that beer wasn’t involved as well. Maybe even some of that wonderfully flavored corn liquor.

UPI reports on the story of two brothers, one piece of chicken and why a crowbar was needed.

Police in Ohio say a man allegedly beat his brother with a crowbar during a dispute about a piece of fried chicken with a bite taken out of it.

The alleged victim, Thomas Morris, 41, of Akron told investigators the incident began Sunday afternoon when his 37-year-old brother Tony threw a piece of chicken at him at their mother’s home while they were both visiting, the Akron Beacon Journal reported Wednesday.

Thomas Morris said his brother accused him of taking a bite out of the chicken piece and placing it back in the frying pan. He told investigators he suggested they take the dispute outside and his brother then attacked him with a crowbar, inflicting a 3-inch laceration on his forehead and other wounds.

The elder brother, who was treated at a local hospital, said Tony Morris fled after he got away and retrieved a shovel from a neighbor’s house.

Police said they were called to the home by the mother, who admitted chomping on the piece of chicken in question.

An arrest warrant was issued Sunday for Tony Morris on suspicion of felonious assault, domestic violence and menacing.

Mom’s gotta be some fun too. After all, what kind of person grabs a piece of uncooked chicken out of a scalding hot frying pan filled with grease, chomps on it and then tosses it back in to keep cooking? Not a very bright one I can assure you. You also probably noted that both men arrived on their own at mom’s. So, we can easily infer that these prime pieces of man meat are still single.

Gosh! Who could believe that?

My guess, and it’s only a guess, is that these two particular brothers have more issues than a week’s worth of Dr. Phil episodes.

Don’t even get me started on that useless show. “Hi, I’ve known you for less than 11 seconds and have no clue if what you’re telling me is true or not. Please allow me to cure you.”

Anyway, one’s left to wonder if the genteel Mr. Morris will now return home to give his mother a beat down for taking the putative bite of the piece of chicken he’d clearly marked for his own use?

As my granny used to say, “It’s not a real family gathering unless the cops are called.”

Happy Holidays!

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