Have You Been Naked in Public Lately? Why Not?

I'm sure everything's sanitary.
I'm sure everything's sanitary.

It must be some sort of personal defect. While I’ve certainly been naked before, even sky dived in that state once, I’ve never really felt the need to head out the door with Mr. Happy flapping in the breeze. Yes, I know that comes as a shock to some. Nevertheless, like any PR expert can tell you, if it happens twice, it’s a trend. It is with this in mind that I pore into today’s news.

First off, we’ll start with the moron who thought The Sixth Sense was a documentary. He was also, probably, the only person who hadn’t figured out that Bruce Willis character was dead fifteen minutes into that mess. Of course, he was probably stunned by the end of The Crying Game. Here’s a clue for our idiot; 6″ tall women with Adam’s apples and large hands are actually men.

Anyway, as Associated Press reports, this yahoo went to a cemetery to photograph spirits. Naturally, the camera would only work if the cameraman was naked.

A man caught naked in a south Mississippi church cemetery says he was trying to take photographs of spirits. Robert Hurst told The Picayune Item newspaper that he shed his clothes because he believes skin is the best canvas to show spirits’ orbs of energy.

The 47-year-old said he only intended to remove his shirt, but he took off all his clothes — a move he now calls “stupid.”
Authorities had set up a motion-activated camera to try to catch vandals. Shane Tucker, the chief deputy in Pearl River County, said Hurst was not accused of vandalism, but the camera caught an unexpected image of Hurst naked.

Hurst faces a misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure. He posted $500 bond after turning himself in Friday.

All we can hope for is that this walking, talking, proof of damaged genetics doesn’t procreate.

Sure, you smarmily say, but he’s from Mississippi, didn’t we already drain their gene pool?

Sadly, this behavior has no regional bounds. Associated Press also reports that a Wisconsin postal employee delivered a package while showing his package.

A Wisconsin postal carrier says he simply wanted to cheer up a woman on his rounds who seemed “stressed out” when he decided to deliver mail in the buff. But upon further review, the worker told police that delivering mail while completely naked probably wasn’t a good idea.

A police report says the 52-year-old man told the woman he would deliver the mail in the nude to her office in Whitefish Bay to make her laugh. The report says that on Dec. 4 he brought the mail wearing only a smile.

The mail carrier was arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior several days later. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel says the man admitted delivering the mail naked was a stupid thing to do.

Well, he certainly has given a fun new meaning to going postal.

The one good thing is that both men admitted that their behavior was “stupid.” It didn’t stop them from doing it, but at least the concept was somewhere in their feeble minds.

While I must admit that people have been getting naked in public for quite some time, it’s usually for artistic or protest reasons. Only recently have reports been surfacing of people who suddenly succumb to the urge rip off all their clothes and just wander around.

If you feel overwhelmed by this urge, do us all a favor; take pictures. We won’t believe you unless you do.

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