Last weekend, at the Nude Hippo Holiday photo shoot, Gina Ferraro and I were joking about an old Larry the Cable Guy bit where he talks about having worked at a Carnival. His particular talent was charging women a dollar to guess their age by feeling their breasts. If he guessed wrong he’d give them a 2¢ key chain. He went through over 100 key chains a day that way. Every male, and 10% of the females, reading this blog just wished they’d thought of it.
Well, in Larry’s defense, it’s really hard to do. Gina got 3 key chains off of me before I got it right.
But imagine for a second you’re a woman, that’s very hard for me to do but I’m hopeful for you, and you’re in a bar having a couple of drinks with friends when someone of ambiguous sexuality walks up to you and offers to feel your breasts.
(a) Call security
(b) Scream as loud as you can while flinging your drink at the person
– or – (c) Say okay.
As it turns out, the answer is (c) if you’re in Idaho.
All Weird News reports, under a completely mis-titled heading, that Kristina or Kris (as the case may be) Ross has been arrested on multiple counts of public fondling. Among other things.
They say there is a sucker born every minute and so it seems. An Idaho judge has set bond at $100,000 for a Boise woman police say posed as a physician and duped at least two other women into having their breasts examined by her at Boise-area nightclubs.
Kristina Ross, 37, remains in Ada County Jail in Boise on two felony counts of practicing medicine without a license.
Police say Ross introduced herself to victims — one at a downtown Boise bar and the other at a nightclub in a Boise suburb — as a plastic surgeon named Berlyn Aussieahshowna, a name that turned out to be bogus.
The two women told Boise officers they believed Ross was a physician because of her apparent medical knowledge, and they agreed to undergo what they thought were breast exams, which happened at the bars.
As part of her ruse, Ross gave the women the telephone number of a real licensed plastic surgeon in Boise, the state capital, authorities said.
Staff at that medical office became alarmed at the number of calls they received from women in recent weeks attempting to confirm appointments or surgeries with a Berlyn Aussieahshowna, according to charging documents.
Medical workers on Tuesday alerted Boise police about the pattern, and they later arrested Ross.
The suspect’s gender is unclear. Idaho court records show that Ross was arrested for petty theft in the spring and that the arrest warrant was issued to a Kristoffer Jon Ross.
The Idaho Statesman website reported that Ross has a previous criminal record as a man but identifies herself as a woman and was booked into Ada County Jail as a female.
Cosmetic surgical procedures Ross discussed with victims after she touched their breasts under the guise of a medical evaluation included breast augmentation and liposuction.
The court on Wednesday found Ross was eligible for a public defender and set a preliminary hearing on the two felony charges for Dec. 1. If convicted, Ross could face a maximum of five years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000 for each count.
Berlyn Aussieahshowna isn’t a real name? Who could’ve possibly guessed?
Second, really, she’s going through gender identity change to be a lesbian? Why not just go drag on weekends and leave the health care system alone?
And lastly, you’re in a freaking bar. Who in their right mind goes to a bar for any form of medical exam? I will admit that I’ve had my privates touched in a bar, and the effect was certainly medicinal, but I never contemplated an office visit for surgery when it was over. On the other hand, the “alarming number of calls” received by the Boise hospital tells me that I could work this to my advantage, sooner rather than later.
After reading this I’m beginning to believe that Dr. Tuchee Feelee will have a very successful practice.