Never Make a Pretty Woman Your Wife

When I was a little kid, a singer named Jimmy Soul uttered the best advice ever. I didn’t follow it, which may explain why I’m twice divorced and sitting here in my shorts typing this blog. For those who’ve never heard it, here you go;

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If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

It’s a pretty catchy tune.

There’s also the sub-plot that some men believe that an ugly chick will do anything you want whenever you want it. I don’t know if that’s true, but it may be worth further study.

Anyway, another fine gentleman, named Joshua Conway, ignored this sage wisdom and entered into a relationship with a beauty queen slash law student. Emphasis on the slash. While on the surface it may look like he won the Lottery, brains and boobs all in one package, it turns out he should’ve done a little checking under the hood. Why? Because this chick’s nuttier than grandma’s fruitcake.

As Sean Alfano from the New York Daily News reports, Kumari Fulbright is the poster child for Jimmy Soul.

Maybe there’s a jumpsuit competition in prison.

Former Miss Arizona contestant Kumari Fulbright was sentenced Thursday to two years in prison for her role in the twisted kidnap and torture of her ex-boyfriend.

The troubled 28-year-old beauty queen and former law school student also got six years probation after pleading guilty to conspiracy to kidnap and aggravated assault charges.

Fulbright’s fall from grace occurred in 2007 when she was arrested with three other men for the brutal attack on then-boyfriend Joshua Conway, who was slashed with a knife, beaten and held at gunpoint for hours before escaping.

Prior to the crime, the former pinup clerked for a federal judge, The Associated Press reported.

As part of her plea agreement, Fulbright said she would testify against another former flame, Robert Ergonis, the accused ringleader of the robbery.

However, the prosecutor in the case, Michael Jette, says Fulbright has not been cooperative and has done “anything and everything” to shield Ergonis, the Arizona Daily Star reported.

In addition to her sentence, Fulbright was ordered to pay Conway $15,000.

Ahh, nothing says “love” like tying someone to a chair and slashing them with a knife.

What amazes me is that three dudes went along with this head case. At what point in your day do you wake up and say, “Gosh, I think it would be fun to flush my career and kidnap a stranger.”? What could she have possibly promised these three losers to get them in the fold?

Sex? C’mon, who’re you kidding? I could get laid in rural Arizona. So could you. Why do you think the Cubs hold spring training there? There are “W” flags flying outside of every hotel room.

Three young studs with jobs would be a no-brainer.

And her other – allegedly former – boyfriend is the ringleader? Really? So he woke up one day and, for no discovered reason, said “Hey honey, let’s go kidnap and torture good old Josh. It’ll be fun.” I’m supposed to buy that?

Do you?

I didn’t think so.

So gentleman, consider yourselves duly warned. Go forth and find ye a skank.