The Whole She-Bang in Sheboygan

I get it. You’re young, suave and debonair. You bring a certain je nais se quoi to parties and family functions. You’re charm is so contagious, vaccines we’re created for it. You’re so wonderful that alien abductors have asked you to probe them. Police often question you, just because they find you interesting. You’ve been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into a room.

Simply put, you’re the kind of guy that women want and men want to be.

And, as regular readers of this blog know (yes, both of you), nothing says “Urbane and Hip” like trying to load a gun while you’re sitting on the pot.

After smoking pot.

Naturally.

The Sheboygan Press reports your hero’s been found.

A 25-year-old Sheboygan man was charged Monday after allegedly firing a handgun into the floor of his upstairs apartment unit while seated on his toilet, sending a bullet into an occupied downstairs apartment.

Dustin J. Sippel, of 1914B Calumet Drive, was charged with one felony count of first-degree reckless endangerment and misdemeanor counts of possession of a firearm while intoxicated, possession of drug paraphernalia and carrying a concealed weapon. If convicted, he faces up to nine years in prison.

According to a criminal complaint, Sippel told Sheboygan police that he’d been sitting on the toilet late Saturday night “playing with his gun,” and “racking rounds into the chamber,” when it accidentally fired into the floor. When confronted by his downstairs neighbor, Sippel said he’d been drilling a hole in the floor.

Sippel’s neighbor then called the police and officers surrounded the home and evacuated the downstairs residents before entering the upper apartment, which Sippel had fled. A search later revealed drug paraphernalia, a shotgun and ammunition.

Police later located Sippel — who was still armed — walking on Sibley Court, where he admitted to firing the gun in his bathroom. Sippel also told police he’d drunk about four beers and smoked marijuana prior to the incident.

Yep, a real man’s man. I know that the female readers are thrilled that this fine specimen of man-meat has allowed his home address to be posted in the article. They’re even more thrilled to find out it’s less than a four hour drive so they can be there before lunch if they leave right now.

My guess is that, due to her recent introduction to fun with guns, Ashely Lobo’s already hailing a cab.

All Mr. Sippel needs now is to become the new face for Dos Equis’ commercials.

Although I’d bet he can’t pronounce it.