A $65 Mil Holiday Turkey!

There are some things that you just know are bad ideas. Electric dog polishers come to mind, as do DVD Rewinders. Of course, I would be woefully remiss if I ignored marketing masterpieces such as Nothing Sucks Like Electrolux! And, you can’t even begin to discount the entire life of Harvey Witstone. That was just one bad idea followed closely by its inbred cousin. “JATO rocket engine” and “car” should never be used in the same sentence, let alone on the same vehicle.

In other words, the rational among us realize that these ideas were never destined to succeed.

Well, now we can add one more to that list. After writing music for the worst Batman movie ever made, Bono and the Edge have decided to up the ante on awfulness and create Spiderman: The Musical.

Technically called Spiderman: Turn off the Dark (what the hell does that even mean?), this $65 million dollar boondoggle has been beset by bizarre accidents, budget over runs and more issues than any week of Jerry Springer episodes.

Lisa Flam, not to be confused with Mexican flan, writes that I may be being kind to this impending train wreck.

“Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” took off Sunday night with its first preview performance, and there were several glitches along the way. With nearly 2,000 in the audience at New York’s Foxwoods Theater, the show was stopped five times because of technical problems, and the first act ended early, with Spidey hanging 10 feet above the audience, The New York Times reported.

Act II was tarnished by a woman in the audience shouting in protest during one of the pauses.

“I don’t know how everyone else feels, but I feel like a guinea pig today,” the unidentified woman said, according to the Times. “I feel like it’s a dress rehearsal.”

Though previews aren’t usually perfect, the New York Post called it an “epic flop,” saying the show’s “high-tech gadgetry went completely awry amid a dull score and baffling script.”

Audience members were ducking from falling equipment and dangling actors, the paper said.

A pause that came an hour into the second act saw some audience members get up and leave, the New York Daily News reported.

I will admit that some reviewers say the show was great for kids. With $65 mil on the line they’d better sell a lot of those 12 & under discount tickets. Because something tells me adults would rather endure root canal from some homeless dude on the subway than get anywhere near this thing.

How, you may be asking, do I know this is going to be so bad? Easy. They have platinum selling artists doing the score and have only released one guitar riff for promotion. Not a song, not a melody, just a riff. If you’re into riffs, click on my link above for the show and scroll down to the PR video.

Also, they have zillions spent on special effects and the only images they show on their site are of actors and actresses rehearsing moves that may end up looking cool.

As someone who’s spent years in the entertainment industry, I can assure you that any competent PR person could make the Cuban Missile Crisis into a feel good moment in Havana. And don’t get me wrong, this show has the cream of the crop when it comes to PR. If they can’t pull anything good out of this, then I can safely say you’re better off spending your money on automated shoe umbrellas.