Archives for December 2010

R.E.M. is returning with their new record, arriving this spring.  However, to tie us over and give us a little taste they’ve made one song available for free download, and another is streaming.

‘Collapse Into Now’ will be the band’s fifteenth studio album and its expected release is March 8^th.  It was recorded in three different stages, in three different cities: Berlin, New Orleans, and Nashville.

Guests include the legendary Patti Smith, also Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam, Peaches, Joel Gibb from The Hidden Cameras, and more.

Here’s the first track they’ve made available:

R.E.M. – “Discoverer”

You can download it for free right here…just know that doing so means that you’ll be signed up for the R.E.M. email list.

As well, you can hear a 2^nd track called “It Happened Today” which is streaming here.

Track list of ‘Collapse Into Now’:

1)  “Discoverer”

2)  “All The Best”

3)  “Überlin”

4)  “Oh My Heart”

5)  “It Happened Today” (feat. Eddie Vedder & Joel Gibb)

6)  “Every Day Is Yours To Win”

7)  “Mine Smell Like Honey”

8)  “Walk It Back”

9)  “Alligator Aviator Autopilot Antimatter” (feat. Peaches & Lenny Kaye)

10) “That Someone Is You”

11) “Me, Marlon Brando, Marlon Brando and I”

12) “Blue” (feat. Patti Smith)

And as a monumental band in the history of alternative music, let’s dip back for old time’s sake to two of their classics and my personal favorites (from when Michael Stipe still had hair, lots of it):

**sniff** This is the kind of article that makes me proud to be an American. Forget about skyscrapers and libraries and stuff like that. It’s when Americans build things like the World’s Largest Ball of Twine and immediately find that there’s a competing claim that makes this country great.

Where’s Johnnie Cochran when you need him?

Oh yeah, he’s still dead. Well, maybe he’ll get better.

You can also forget things like the Field Museum. Who needs stale recitations of arcana when you can visit Exotic World, the home of the Burlesque Hall of Fame? Why bother with silly things like the Art Institute when you can take the family to a true cultural awakening at The Museum of Bad Art?

Pollock or Dogs Playing Poker? No brainer.

Bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay.

It is in that spirit that we here at the World News Center for your Nude Hippo, present you with some alternatives to the boring NYC Glitter Ball drop hosted by a cyborg claiming to be Dick Clark. Our favorite source for listings of true Americana, David Moye, says that people will drop everything from mutant cherries to a pirate wench to kick off the new year.

The Times Square ball gets all the publicity, but it’s not the only thing being dropped on Dec. 31 — and we’re not talking bad habits.

Seems like almost every city — big and small — marks the new year by dropping something from a tall building or a crane.

For instance, the city of Memphis, Tenn., will honor its musical heritage and the beginning of 2011 by dropping a giant illuminated Les Paul guitar from scaffolding alongside the Hard Rock Cafe on Beale Street.

Meanwhile, Traverse City, Mich., the self-proclaimed cherry capital of the world, will drop a giant cherry for the second year in a row.

According to Dean Rose, one of the organizers of the “Cherry-T Ball Drop,” the official name of the event (because it’s a fundraiser for charity — get it?), says the fruity idea took root last year when one of his friends thought a cherry-themed New Year’s celebration would be fun and fitting.

It also helped that another friend had a crane.

Last year’s cherry was a giant rubber ball about 6 feet in length.

“It had some issues in the wind,” Rose told AOL News. “We’re on the Great Lakes, so we get weather here.”

This year, the cherry is bigger — around 10 to 15 feet in diameter — and made from aluminum and built so the wind can go through it.

Chatham, Mass., also has plans to hook people to its New Year’s celebration. Ever since 2007, the festivities have been highlighted by having a giant cod drop down to signal the new year.

Rich Clifford, who built the 9.5-foot fish out of aluminum crystal, says the colossal cod will descend 60 feet down to Oyster Pond Beach.

It took him six months to build the fish, which is internally lit — and, chances are, the folks watching it will be too.

Other cities with their own version of the Times Square ball:

**The city of Mobile, Ala., will celebrate the beginning of 2011 by dropping a giant MoonPie to the ground.

**Lebanon, Pa., will ring in the new year by dropping a 7-foot-long bologna from a tall building.

**Residents of Mobile, Ala., will witness the plunge of a lighted 12-foot, 600-pound MoonPie down the side of a 34-story building.

**Port Clinton, Ohio, residents will celebrate at midnight when a 20-foot, 600-pound fiberglass walleye fish drops from a tall crane.

**Eastport, Maine, and New Brunswick, Canada, will have an international flavor to their New Year’s parties. Eastport shares a bay with the Canadian province and during the annual New Year’s Eve celebration, a giant red maple leaf is lowered from the top floor window of a museum in downtown Eastport at 11 p.m. local time to ring in the Canadian New Year. Then at midnight an 8-foot-long, realistically painted wooden sardine drops from the window to ring in the American New Year.

**Key West, Fla., has two big droppings to ring in the new year; Schooner Wharf will drop a pirate wench into the ocean at 12 sharp, and a drag queen named Sushi will drop from one end of the town in the other in a pair of high-heeled shoes.

**Atlanta traditionally drops a giant 800-pound peach at midnight. This year is no exception, but to add to the festivities, Tito Jackson will be performing and his mother, Katherine Jackson, will be there to watch his show.

Sadly, not every city will be able to celebrate the end of 2010 by dropping a giant something from the sky. Nashville, Ga., planned to drop a 1,000-pound cotton ball, but a spokeswoman says the event was canceled because none of the downtown buildings can handle something that heavy.

A concert by the least talented Jackson and a drag queen named Sushi? You don’t get high quality entertainment like that on TV. You need to go out and experience this kind of stuff for yourself.

This year, as you prep for the evening’s festivities, I ask that you remember the advice of my good friend who happens to be a DUI Attorney;

Here’s my warning to start the holiday season. Be especially careful. If you are at a party, limit yourself to one drink per hour and don’t drive for two hours after your last drink. If you are going to party hard, get a limo, a taxi or a hotel room. It will be much less expensive and much more safe.

In other words, make sure you come back to us next year.

From all of us here at the World News Center to all of you, have a safe and Happy New Year.

When I bother to think about the iPhone, which is rarely, I tend to think of apps like the virtual beer app or the bouncy hand and toilet seat or, my personal fave, the Suicide Girls Stripper app.

I will grant that some apps are inexplicably addictive, like the light saber and the face morpher.

You just bought one of those, didn’t you?

And, having been trapped in a car with a person who used his iPhone as a portable GPS device, which didn’t show any exits, I might be inclined to think that there are useful possibilities for the technology in the future.

Given a few, obvious, tweaks.

But, all in all, what I really want a phone to do is let me make phone calls or answer them, as the case may be. However, I may have to rethink my position. USA Today is reporting about a lady who managed to get video of her house being burglarized by using her iPhone.

A woman who set up an iPhone application to watch her dog while she was away instead caught a thief breaking into her home Tuesday.

At the time, she had no idea she was recording a thief.

“It’s creepy,” said Claire, who did not want her surname released because she is a crime victim. “I’ve never had a house broken in to.”

She already knows how the thief broke in to her home: Her mother sent her a spare set of keys after she left them in Virginia over the weekend. The thief broke in to the package, found the keys and then snuck into her home, she says.

“He went through my drawers, my jewelry. He even touched my clothes and pillow,” Claire said.

A while back, she had downloaded an I-Cam application on her phone. It syncs up with her computer and allows her to view her computer camera from her cellphone.

The thief searched through her belongings for a little more than 12 minutes. In the end, he got away with $500 worth of items.

Denver Police are looking over the footage and searching for finger prints the thief may have left behind.

First off, make sure to click on the USA Today link above. They have the video posted.

And, don’t worry, her little doggie hid under the bed during the entire ordeal, so it’s safe.

There’s no word on whether or not the young lady also had the Playgirl Centerfold app on her iPhone.

One thing is for certain, given that I’ve been robbed this summer, I’m thinking that this may be the most cost effective home security system ever. Certainly it’s more effective than my cat, who let the burglar feed her and then went back to bed.

Am I the only one that’s sick and tired of overpriced New Years Eve Parties? I have seen prices as high as $200 per person just to ring in the new year. I’m sorry, but I will NEVER eat or drink $200 worth of anything in one night.

I’m a really cheap date, too– so two drinks & I’m good. So, that’d be about $30– then I’ll pick at the food which brings me to about $20. Now, together and I’m up to $50 so far… what on EARTH is the other $150 covering? HAHA.

What I require for a good time on new years is Champagne at midnight, and party favors. If I can get all of that for under $20 I’m there…. well guess what I found, right here in Chicago!? I place celebrating the new year for a price I can handle…. $15 each at the legendary California Clipper. I think I’ve found my spot this year. Wherever you party this new year, I hope it’s a great time!!

New Years Eve at the California Clipper!

1002 N. California Ave.
Chicago, IL 60622
(773) 384-2547
Doors open at 8:00pm

Ever since discovering that Idiocracy was actually a documentary, not much has surprised me. Even our very own little ray of sunshine, Corie Scarpaci, has been forced to admit that people with low IQs and even lower standards of personal hygiene have been coming to the fore. Once relegated to the fringes of society and made the butt of jokes designed to teach regular people how not to behave, these creeping examples of reverse Darwinism now want to run the country and make life altering decisions for you.

Gosh, what could possibly go wrong?

But, today, I don’t want to write about the obvious examples of moronity run amok. No, instead, I think we should take a glance at the beings who walk among us and pretend to be normal. Not that they do it well, mind you, but they do try nevertheless. Brendan Farrington from Associated Press has a wonderful year in review look at the state of Florida.

This year, Floridians learned that burials at sea don’t work if the body doesn’t sink, giant snail mucus can make you sick and that an underwire bra can stop a lawyer from visiting her client in prison.

Florida lived up to its reputation for being an odd state in 2010, with residents committing stupid crimes, making poor decisions and exhibiting general weirdness.

There was the man pulled over in Manatee County who claimed the crack in his crack wasn’t his. Officers found bags of marijuana and crack cocaine stuffed between the man’s butt cheeks. He said the pot was his but “the white stuff is not mine.”

[ED. NOTE – In Florida the “My BFF must have put it there when I wasn’t looking” precept is a legitimate defense.]

That was far from the only weird case handled by police. A 32-year-old Pasco County man called 911 to complain his mother took his beer, while police in Deland said a man walked out of a bar and head-butted a street preacher who called him a sinner. A Pasco County man was charged with slashing his father with a knife during an argument over who would walk the dog.

[ED. NOTE – Anger Management is more than just a bad movie, it’s a good idea.]

There were other strange dog stories. A man was walking his Jack Russell terrier in Tampa when an alligator snatched it. He pulled out his handgun and started shooting at the gator. It let go of the dog, but the pet wasn’t breathing until the man performed CPR and revived it.

[ED. NOTE – I once spent several hours reviving a goldfish to prevent a flood of tears. Said fish went on to live a long life before going to that big bowl in the sky. So I can’t really say anything about this guy.]

Dogs weren’t always the victim. A Hernando County man was run over by his own pickup truck after his dog jumped into the running vehicle and put it in gear.

[ED. NOTE – Teaching your pets basic driving safety rules is always a good idea.]

Threatening items that bomb squads had to handle this year included a box with two kittens in Cocoa and a stuffed pony in Orange County. Authorities blew up the stuffed pony, but spared the kittens. A Melbourne street was shut down for three hours, the time it took the bomb squad to figure out the flashing object in the middle of the street was a restaurant pager.

[ED. NOTE – And people are whining about minimum education requirements for peace officers in Chicago. Not any more!]

If that didn’t make you lose your appetite, this might: Several people in Miami complained got sick after consuming mucus from a giant snail in a religious ceremony.

[ED. NOTE – “Hey, Ma, lookee here. I got me one of them there dell a ka sees. Go head and give it a try!]

[ED. NOTE – Memo to self, do not join that religion.]

2010 wasn’t the year to mess with the elderly. An 84-year-old man was arrested in Bay County for allegedly hitting a deputy with his cane. Would-be robbers knocked an 83-year-old man to the ground in Clearwater only to turn and run when the victim pulled a gun on them. A 69-year-old woman turned back a robber after picking up the gun he dropped in her car while smashing the windshield with it. He also dropped his cell phone and was caught.

[ED. NOTE – Used to be we just stuck old folks in a home somewhere and fed them pablum. Now they’ve got Granny Strip-O-Grams. Gives me hope for my Golden Years.]

Weirdness didn’t just involve senior citizens: A Clay County woman was arrested after posting a photo of her baby with a bong on Facebook.

[ED. NOTE – DUH!]

Nor was odd news limited to the living. A family honoring a relative’s dying wish gave him a burial at sea, only to have the body resurface off a Fort Lauderdale beach. A Tampa-area couple paid $8 for a box of bones at a yard sale that they planned to use as Halloween decorations, until they got home and realized it was a real human skeleton.

[ED. NOTE – Umm, oops?]

Finally, Florida has the kind of corrections officials that will make you rethink what you’re wearing. A Miami attorney said she was kept from visiting her client at a federal detention center because the underwire of her bra set off the metal detector. After she took it off, she said guards wouldn’t let her in because she was braless.

[ED.NOTE – In Chicago, we have attorneys posing for Playboy. I think Florida’s got it wrong and we’ve got it right.]

So, there you have it. No matter how silly something is that you’ve recently done, you haven’t even begun to challenge these folks. How do I know that? Simple. You’re reading this. That’s clearly a skill far beyond anything those people can ever aspire to.