Is Your Coffin Not Gay Enough?

Spend eternity with, naked, male athletes!
Spend eternity with, naked, male athletes!
When it comes time for you to slough off this mortal coil, you want to be able to face eternity in a style befitting the life you lived. If you were a molecular biologist you might wish to have to have an image reflecting Deoxyribonucleic Acid inscribed on your urn or coffin. Were you a race car driver you might wish your final resting place to resemble your favorite NASCAR moment. Think Taladaga Nights, but (slightly) less tacky. Or, maybe, like Willie the Wimp, you want to be buried in a Cadillac.

All of these options are open to you now.

But, what if you’re gay? What if that was a defining part of your life and you wished to share it with the world upon your passing? Until now, short of the Hello Kitty motif (which doesn’t work for everyone), you were Shucks Out of Luck.

But now I’ve got good news for you girlfriends (2 snaps up!). Thanks to 2 German undertakers, Thomas Brandl and Michael Koenigsfeld, you can go out in the style in which you’re accustomed.

Reuters Germany is reporting that custom coffins for gay men and women are now available.

Two undertakers are trying to tap into the gay market by selling coffins adorned with images of male nudes.

The prize piece in their display window in the northwestern German city of Cologne is a coffin decorated with images of mostly naked, muscular young men in athletic poses inspired by Italian Renaissance paintings.

“We believe you should be able to have a coffin that lets you embark on your last journey in a way that reflects how you lived your life,” undertaker Thomas Brandl said Thursday.

The unconventional coffin, which costs 1,650 euros ($2,300), has aroused fascination among customers, Brandl said.

“People are really interested because it’s so unique. Reactions have been very positive so far,” he added.

Brandl, 32, and his 34-year-old business partner Michael Koenigsfeld, said they had branched out into the gay market in order to satisfy the increasing number of special requests they received.

“Even though the Lord Mayor of Berlin, the vice-chancellor and many others openly admit to being homosexual nowadays, marginal groups still face prejudices and bureaucratic hurdles,” the pair said in a statement.

They said they provided an individual and different service which offered “a warm and fantastical departure for same-sex couples.”

The gay couple also sell coffins and urns in rainbow colors — the international symbol of the gay and lesbian movement — and offer burials around a tree reserved exclusively for homosexuals.

Given estimates which suggest that around one in ten of Cologne’s population is homosexual, Brandl and Koenigsfeld are well placed to serve the gay community.

The pair also cater for the heterosexual market in an unconventional way, giving customers the opportunity to get involved in designing coffins for their loved ones.

“You can choose different colors and designs,” Brandl said. “You could go for Cologne’s skyline or lots of women on your coffin. A grandmother might like images of her grandchildren on hers — there are loads of possibilities.”

Now that that problem’s solved, you can rest (in peace) easier.

I know that many of you, at least 2, were waiting for me to write about the fun we had yesterday at the Paintball photo shoot that Nude Hippo hosted in Minooka, IL. But it was noted that Ashley Lobo was less likely to write about the lengthy conversations we had about personal life style errors, porn and deviant sexual behavior. I don’t know why that may be, but it is what it is. Certainly she’ll never use the word “spooge” in a sentence.

OMG, LOL, TTYL, ROTFLMAO, yes, but never spooge.

So, you’ll just have to wait until she posts to find out how much fun we had.

And we did have fun.

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