The other day I went into McDonald’s to get a quick lunch. McDonald’s is my “sometimes” lunch place because it’s quick, cheap and easy (jeez, I make it sound like a certain profession that is legal in Nevada). The big secret with McDonald’s, though, is that….well….it’s not the healthiest. I know, I should’ve said “spoiler alert” first.
In order to help combat this unhealthy predicament, I limit myself to Happy Meals. Yes, I am an adult. But think about it. It’s still a meal with a drink and fries, but it’s about ½ less food than what you would eat with a full value meal. PLUS it’s cheaper and you get a toy. Who doesn’t love the toy? And whose arteries don’t love ½ the fat and cholesterol?
Well this Halloween the toy is – a trick or treat bucket with STICKERS!!!!!! This made me literally do a little dance inside the restaurant. I was so pumped. That used to be my favorite toy to get when I was little. Halloween is my favorite holiday, after all. Don’t you remember the super cool buckets McDonald’s used to have? I was so glad they were reviving this amazing trend.
But pause here. Walking, or should I say skipping, back to my office with my bucket in hand, I started to ask the inevitable question: what the hell was I going to do with this bucket?
When I was small, I would obviously use the bucket to (1) trick-or-treat and then (2) store/hide my candy from my mom and sister. But I am 28. I think there is a legal trick-or-treating age that I have surpassed. How sad would it be to merrily start out in my costume with my new bucket and get asked, “Can I see some ID?”
I mean, would I play like when I was in college with a fake ID? Hand them my whole wallet, knowing full well if they ask to take it out, to grab it and run? Making sure to snag a handful of candy while I was at it….
What about the other kids that are the appropriate age to trick-or-treat? Would they look at me funny as I passed them in the street or would they nod at me encouragingly? “You get you some candy,” they might say. “And by the way, awesome costume, Lady Gaga.” Damn straight.
I would hang my head in shame and walk home empty handed (except for my bucket).
The worst part is we could sit here and try to analyze what the appropriate age to stop trick-or-treating is for hours. I legitimately trick-or-treated all through high school, but I was able to get away with it because I had a brother who was 10 that I could drag along as my scapegoat. I guess once you start getting hair on your face (yes, this goes for both males and females), that is probably your cue to stop asking for free candy from your neighbors. And now, years later, I don’t have any younger cousins or siblings to take along, no kids of my own, and my dog insists on eating HIS costume, so that wouldn’t work either. There is no successful way for me to go trick-or-treating without looking like a total fool. I have no idea what the legal age IS, but what I do know is I am way beyond it.
And so, I have to fore-go yet another opportunity to trick-or-treat, but at least I got you all thinking about the injustice of it all.
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