Tick-Tock vs Tik Tok

When I was younger and I would hear guys talk about women and their biological clock, I literally pictured women in their 30’s all of a sudden desperately yearning to change diapers and nurse babies. I didn’t understand it; I always pictured myself as a Mom but always had peace of mind that all would happen in due time.

I had no idea that it referred to *physically* being able to have a kid. This sucks man, I’m rapidly approaching my mid-30’s but I still feel like I’m in my early 20’s! Most of my friends are having kids and seem completely ready to be parents; I still can’t commit to having a pet. I just can’t wrap my head around the enormous sense of responsibility of being in charge of another human life day in and day out brings. I’m sure most everyone who has a child is intimidated by that thought but they seem to be able to get past it; why can’t I?

I do think about this a lot and sometimes wonder if the fact of having the responsibility of taking care of a sick parent when I was younger plays a factor into things. I mean, I wasn’t completely “responsible” for my Mom per se, although a lot of the daily activities of feeding and bathing were similar. But the responsibility of having someone greatly rely on you was there, as was the lack of freedom to go do what I want when I wanted. I really do wonder sometimes if subconsciously I feel like as though I’ve already done that in my life…but then I rationalize that there are plenty of people who had family members who they had to help take care of growing up and they’re completely content with having families of their own.

So then what is it? I’ve always thought that I’d make a good Mom, I love kids. Am I really just paralyzed by intimidation at the enormity of the task of being 100% responsible for another human being? Maybe this is nature’s way of weeding out who should have kids and who shouldn’t? Is it the selfishness of having my own freedom to do what I want when I want too great for me to give up? Or does it go back to I just haven’t found the right guy who’s ready to have kids yet?

Blah, whatever it is, I hope it figures itself out soon because these kinds of thoughts are absolutely draining to think about and I think sometimes life should be spent doing and not over-analyzing so much. So I think I’m going to go ahead and put this back up in the “It’ll-work-itself-out” category and until then just try to enjoy being fun Auntie Amy to my niece, nephews and all my friends kids for now!.

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