Starting a New Country

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November 17, 2012 by Bill McCormick

After President Obama got re-elected a few fun loving people discovered that they have no sense of irony. Starting in Texas, and quickly followed by Alabama, some people demanded that they should be allowed to secede from the United States. Some of the petitions are clearly satirical. The irony, for those that are not, comes from the fact that they did not use a legal proceeding to make their case. Instead they used the free, government sponsored, blog that President Obama unveiled years ago which allows every person in the country to petition for justice. The fact that this method would not exist without President Obama is completely lost on … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: alabama, fun, secede, stupid, Texas

Banging, Boozing and Burgering

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July 6, 2012 by Bill McCormick

No, sweetheart, don't chew, just swallow.

It's 200 degrees in the shade. Your sweat is sweating. Parts of your anatomy are improperly lubricated it's so damn hot. All you want to do is lay naked under a cool fountain and tell the world to go hump an asteroid or something. Well, as long as you're down there and already naked you may as well have some hot sex, cold beer and a fatty burger. Come on, admit it, you know your doctor has warned you that you were going to have a heart attack anyway, you may as well have it on your terms. Besides, as you will see today, all of this is for your own good. How good? Well, look at it this way, that smoking hot babe who wants to do the seventeen … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: food, happiness, sex, Texas

Nude Texas Ugly Bacon Vibrators

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April 19, 2012 by Bill McCormick

Yeah, I just used the generated tags to come up with a title today. First off, Big Ups to all my homies in The Ex Senators for the triumphant release of their cooler than hell video, Start a Fight. The fact that I co-produced it only shows that they have good taste as well as talent. The video even got a great review on the U.K.'s hippest e-Zine, Louder than War. That's not to say everyone in the U.K. is all things wonderful. The people at the Daily Mail called an orphaned parrot the ugliest bird in the world. That's just tacky. "Hey look, you were abandoned at birth AND you're butt ugly!" is not a path to good self esteem. On the other hand, … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: bacon, nude, Texas, Ugly, Vibrators

PIPA, SOPA ‘n Nerd Porn

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January 19, 2012 by Bill McCormick

Yesterday was an interesting day in the World News Center. For those who were living under a rock I'll recap. Yesterday started off, here at least, with me writing about how dumb the PIPA and SOPA proposals were. The Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) was the brainchild of Florida Sen. Marco Rubio. Yes, the same state that couldn't figure how to outlaw bestiality without outlawing all mammal sex is the home of one of the most egregious pieces of legislation ever foisted on the world. Not to be outdone, Texas Sen. John Cornyn sponsored the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA). This was a bill that was so overreaching that you could go to jail … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: dumb laws, florida, nerd, pipa, porn, sopa, Texas

Edjumakashun iz Gud!

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November 14, 2011 by Bill McCormick

I will admit to not being the smartest person in the world. In fact I'm pretty sure I'm not even in the top 25%. That's okay, however, since I am smart enough to realize that. So, when something comes along that I don't understand I can seek out those who do and learn about it. That habit led directly to me getting in touch with several renowned astrophysicists, astronomers and others and those conversations led to the many articles about science that have graced Nude Hippo over the last year. And, thanks to some of our readers, those articles have led to other posts following up on some unusual ideas. Basically, you have been allowed to … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: American Heritage, Arne Duncan, college, florida, salaries, teachers, Texas, unprepared

Why We Need Some Government

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October 22, 2011 by Bill McCormick

I hope everyone had a happy Rapture yesterday. I know I did. Before we get to anything resembling a salient point I have to get the important stuff out of the way since I don't want you to be distracted later. You'll all be pleased to note that Elizabeth Olsen, the sane Olsen sister, had no problems doing the nude scenes for her new movie "Martha Marcy May Marlene." You're welcome. In unrelated nude news, a woman in India developed an insatiable sex drive and then died four days later. As it turns out rabies causes that particular symptom and by the time you notice it you're too late. So, no, getting bitten by a squirrel isn't worth it. In … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: babies, elizabeth olsen, feces, mutant, nudes, Texas

Hot for Teacher? Move to Texas!

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May 25, 2011 by Bill McCormick

When I was a wee little Big Bad, I had a crush on a teacher. Her name was, unfortunately for her, Mrs. Keyhoe and she closely resembled the image to the left. Although she dressed more conservatively. Nevertheless, like all young men of a certain age, I was embarrassed by those feelings and thoughts. Beyond getting her a birthday card once, I never let my feelings show. Well, so I thought. I may as well have tried to hide a 747 in my locker for all the success I had. Naturally, I got "the talk" and then sent to my room, which was okay with me at the time since a little privacy went a long way back then. Let's face it, those pre-teen and … [Read more...]

Filed Under: World News Center Tagged With: boink, children, quagmire, sex, teachers, Texas, whole nother country

Family Values

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May 24, 2011 by Bill McCormick

There are days I rant and rave, while worrying and gnashing my teeth, about the impending take over by our robot overlords and then there are days like this. Days where I figure we'll probably be better off. The kind of day where it's painfully obvious that humanity has jumped the rails and is just lying in the ditch waiting for something new to pass by. Most of us, at one time or another, have had parents. Those people who seemed incredibly dense when you were young yet, somehow, managed to look kind of smart as you matured. Well, the was the common conception. After all, if they're smart enough to procreate they must be smart enough to … [Read more...]

Filed Under: World News Center Tagged With: bad, california, kidnapping, parents, sad, statute of limitations, Texas, utah, virginity

The Kings Of Insensitivity

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May 6, 2011 by Bill McCormick

If you're traveled anywhere you've met people who, like you, are not local to your destination. That can sometimes be a bonding experience. For example, if you're in Germany you'll find that many restaurants have communal seating. Not understanding the language of the country you're in while trying to figure out what to eat - try the schnitzel - it can be daunting if you have no idea what your neighbors are saying. Or, maybe, you find yourself in Taiwan and discover that some news shows are actually done via animation. Having no social understanding of something like this you make fun of them and then discover that they're really liberal with … [Read more...]

Filed Under: World News Center Tagged With: Boomtown Rats, chips, England, insensitive, morons, Muslims, Texas