What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

I like comic books. Of course, now that I'm older I prefer graphic novels. The difference? Graphic novels are more expensive. Among other things. One common theme in many of them is humans who have been altered somehow. Spiderman is a good example. Nice kid meets radioactive spider and becomes a super hero. Or Wolverine. Nice guy, who just happened to be an assassin who can't be killed, gets experimented on by evil government people in Canada (why is it always Canada?) and ends up with no memory and adamantium claws. He then uses this new accessory to become a teacher at a school for misfit toys. Or something like that. Nevertheless you get … [Read more...]

It’s All Too Real

If it wasn't for the Lords of Acid I would never have had dreams like this.

Do you ever take a moment to worry about humanity? I do. It kind of comes with the turf around here. It's not just the residents of Florida, although they are cause for a pause, it's just that people everywhere say and do some incredibly dumb things. That would be bad enough, I suppose, but then those self same people who have trouble with the usual reality try and impose their version of it on the rest of us. I'll give you an example. There is one thing that pedophiles and rapists have in common; they are cowardly losers who assert complete control over their victims. Their actions have nothing to do with sex or love and everything to do … [Read more...]

SCIENCE!

Ah, where to begin today. After the British government attempted to lure women into scientific fields with an ad more demeaning than anything ever released by Victoria's Secret a group of actual female scientists responded with an ad of their own. Their ad features real scientists having fun with science and dancing to "I'm Sexy and I Know It." Ladies, there is a career for you in science and it does not require you to do math on a bathroom mirror or wear heels. The fact that I need to point that out simply proves that there is another category where we have a long way to go. Consider it added to my "to do" list. Put it this way, the first … [Read more...]

Science: He’s Doing It Wrong

Sheesh, one little high powered laser beam between the eyes and the kid starts whining.

Before we begin I think we need to note that there was this little event yesterday that held the attention of that small segment of the populace who has access to televisions or the Internet. It was even more important than Adam Dunn being awarded the Players' Choice for Comeback Player of the Year. I know, it's hard to believe that there's anything more important than that. But, it's true. Yesterday Americans, this one included, toddled off to their local polling centers to select the next president of the United States. While there I discovered that a working knowledge of the alphabet is not a requirement to become a helper at a polling … [Read more...]

Space Nookie!

This is ground control to major Tom, you've really made the grade ....

This week has seen a series of scientific announcements that might boggle lesser blog readers, but not you. We can start with the Italian scientists who were convicted by an Italian court of, well - nothing really, and sentenced to seven years in prison. This is a great example of what happens when religion and science collide. The court made the assumption that science was magic and that, as magic, it should be able to do the stuff it had seen in the Harry Potter movies. For the record, officially, the scientists were convicted for not being able to do what no one has ever been able to do; predict an earthquake. Not since the Spanish … [Read more...]

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

Let's pretend for a minute that you got a job. I know, I know, you're really out on the streets selling your blood for food, but this is just pretend. Kind of like playing doctor but you get to keep your pants on. Unless you don't want to. We're not that formal around here. Anyway, congratulations, you've gotten a job. And this job only requires you to do one thing. Let's say, for the sake of argument, count to ten. That's it. That's your job. Keep the numbers one through ten in their traditional, linear, order. If you can handle that you get a nice paycheck every week. There are other companies that count one through five and so on, but … [Read more...]

Is God Required for a God Particle?

Scientists this week announced that they had discovered, with 99.999% surety, the Higgs boson, a/k/a the God Particle. This, of course, led to the usual low brow humor that accompanies announcements regarding particle physics. A Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest stops the particle and says, "We don't allow your kind in here." Undeterred the particle responds: "But without me, you can't have mass." And, by way of rebuttal, (a) Higgs Boson walks into a bar and asks everyone to take part in an act of penitence. "What are you doing?" asks the barman. "Giving mass." I guess all we can do is hope the Higgs boson isn't an old testament god … [Read more...]

Beware the Fish People!

There is something very wrong with me. Most people see a pretty field of flowers and think "Aww, pretty." I see a pretty field of flowers and think "I wonder if we could attach bio weapons to the pollen." See? A slightly different point of view. Another example is obviated by my incessant ranting that we are soon to be overthrown by robot overlords. Of course there is a plus to that. I mean robot overlords automatically mean a world with sex bots. But scientists aren't content just to supply mechanical overlords the keys to our kingdoms. No indeedy Bob, some scientists have been messing around in the Fields of the Lord and have been altering … [Read more...]

The Sounds You Don’t Hear Are For The Sights You Can’t See

If aliens met our WNCGOTD Chayse they'd just love our planet to pieces. Check her out at ChayseMeBaby.com.

Before we begin I know there are real scientists who read this blog. I ask them for a mulligan today. I am well aware that I am going to be using allegories, simplifications and raging generalizations. Many of our readers, thanks to modern education, have little or no background in science and tend to take popular fiction at face value. Kind of like the people who learned all they knew about religion by reading The Da Vinci Code. This bog will show that problem clearly. I recently wrote about the WOW! signal. During the article I pointed out that I had learned that it was highly unlikely aliens would first be exposed to our culture via … [Read more...]

Nude Science

One of the fun perks about doing this gig is learning new stuff. For example, now that I have to take the Metra to the new office every day I've learned that the lard laden, sodium infused, heart killer sold at Au Bon Pain is actually called a "Ham and Cheese Croissant." This is clearly from the same marketing people who tried to convince folks that a 9mm round through the frontal lobe was actually a "Face Lift at Home Kit." Oh, and just for a bonus, the coffee tastes like someone boiled a rug. I don't eat there any more. I have learned that typing on the train is a giant waste of time. You'll be moving along just fine when all of a sudden … [Read more...]