Tradition!

Merry Christmas everyone. It's time, once again, for us to take a look at the glorious traditions that surround this odd holiday. We have already discussed the Krampus, that lovely little fellow who either casts your children into hell or eats them, depending on what part of Austria you hang out in. But, we neglected his female cousin Perchta The Belly Slitter. Because nothing says HAPPY HOLIDAYS like eviscerated children. Have I mentioned that Austria was the home for the beginning of two world wars? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did. When people tell you that they think the Japanese are insane for making Colonel Sanders the symbol of Christmas, … [Read more...]

Google’s Racist and Other Fun Holiday Stories

I'm a middle aged white guy who's had a lot on his mind recently so I hope you'll forgive me taking a while to figure some stuff out. This week, in preparation for the BIG Holiday Special on WBIG today at 9:10 AM Central Time, I've been researching the heck out of the history of Christmas. Now, just so you know a little how the World News Center works, I rarely bother checking the images that the daily robots bring back along with the stories they find. They are simply too random to be useful. But once I find a few stories with a common theme I'll Google that theme to see what I can find. That's worked pretty well thus far. But, this week, … [Read more...]

The Gift of Santa

Yesterday I took a stroll down memory lane to bring everyone up to date on the history of wassailing. If you need a short answer just remove the "w" from the word and you're left with "assail," which is a form of "assault" which describes the tradition nicely. As you may have figured out Christmas wasn't always a time of sweetness and nice. The original holiday was glommed onto a pagan holiday, Saturnalia to be specific, to try and convert pagans to Christianity. Despite all the TV specials and holiday decorations you will cite in your emails to me, this was not as successful as it seems. For the first part, the Christmas celebration - from … [Read more...]

A Happy Holiday Blog

When I was about four years old and Santa was more real than anything else in my world, I went to a shopping center (there were no malls back then) to see Santa. I was one kid away from getting to sit on Santa's lap when the kid already there started giving Santa grief. After a few moments of playful bantering Saint Nick had had enough and let fly with "Do not f**k with my jolly, you little brat." That was when I discovered how certain kids got on the naughty list. It was also the exact same moment that I realized that Santa's a pretty big dude and I didn't want to mess with him. But, not once during the episode did it ever occur to me that … [Read more...]

People Not Like Us

We all know that one special person, usually a guy, who somehow, despite life's best efforts, continues to breathe our air and comment on that fact. This is not the person who's done something a little off center, this is the person who had his eyelids tattooed pink. And then noted that his career in customer service had been hampered by his boss' wrongheaded devotion to dealing with the customers. In other words, the kind of person who makes life choices that would baffle the most unusual among us. Also, no matter what, this person needs $20 until Tuesday. It is with that delightful species of sub human in mind that we tackle today's … [Read more...]

Santas, Bananas and Sex

Sometimes you have to get a little outside your comfort zone to find stuff to keep folks entertained. Since my comfort zone actually has its own zip code I needed to do some traveling for you kids today. But, I assure you, it's been worth it. I started off my day by finding the International Air Sex Championships. There's a photo essay when you click the link and, believe it or not, it's safe for work. What it comes down to is this; just like that nerd that no one talks to who plays air guitar, these people - may I use that word? - gather together to pretend to have sex with an imaginary person while fully clothed. One woman even brought … [Read more...]

Man, It’s Tough Out There

It takes all kinds to make a world. That's what my granny used to say. She'd usually say it about the same time we'd noticed someone doing something incredibly dumb. You know, like pouring gas on the car instead of into its tank. Yes, we saw a man do that once and, yes, he was clearly hammered out of his mind. Fortunately the attendant noticed it to before the nice man could light his cigar. But sometimes, no matter how much weirdness we've been exposed to, there are moments when the jaw is forced to drop. I mean the brain staggeringly dumb moments that defy explanation. And, naturally, our first story comes from Florida. I know that every … [Read more...]

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town!

You looked at the title of today's blog and immediately assumed that something bad had happened to my brain. I can understand that. I kind of felt the same way when I realized what I was going to write about. After all, it's so hot outside that your sweat is sweating. It's so hot that you've been re-reading my Nakee Posts just to pretend you're not bogged down with sweat laden clothes and smelling a little funky. I know that this is supposed to be a blog dedicated to exciting events in the world around us but, sometimes, it does the soul good to step back from it all and enjoy something silly. I could write about the nice Texas lady who, … [Read more...]

They Aim Nuclear Missiles and Track Santa

I know, I know, you're reading the title of today's blog and asking yourself "Well, gee, what could possibly go wrong?" The answer, my cynical friend, is 'nothing.' The North American Aerospace Defense Command, which is inexplicably given the acronym NORAD, coordinates the Canadian and American air-forces and nuclear weapons. They worked through the Cold War to keep North America safe from Soviet military threats. They provided our allies with a seriously powerful tool to help maintain peace. And if the Cold War was savagely lampooned in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, it was still taken seriously by … [Read more...]

Santa’s Been Naughty and Nice

It's tough enough allowing kids to maintain their belief in Santa Claus these days. Between media over commercialization of the holiday and more and more PC cynics demanding that everyone be told the truth NO MATTER WHAT and the nudge nudge wink wink news programs that undercut children's convictions, parents find themselves fighting a losing, though valiant, battle to keep innocence alive. Add in the fact that the underlying reason for the holiday is pressed further and further into the background every year and you can understand why some folks just give up, hand out a couple of gift cards and call it a day. So, when stories like … [Read more...]