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Theories of Relativity

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February 19, 2013 by
M.C. Escher's "Relativity" as interpreted by Legos.

It is colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere outside. Judging by the emails I have been getting, many of you have joined me in coughing up bowling ball sized replicas of Spongebob with every other breath. And, if you're like me, you've started naming the more unique samples. My favorite so far is Elroy. But there's lots of competition left to go. Nevertheless, being included in the Brotherhood if International Phlegm Spewers is the highest honor I've gotten while writing this blog, so I am deeply touched. Or that could be the meds talking. What do you think elfish bunny people? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Well, I think that's … [Read more...]

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Interesting People

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November 30, 2012 by
You'd wear it, you know you would.

I once knew a guy who claimed to be the world's best Polish ninja. I had no idea what the competition for that title would be so I wisely kept my opinions to myself. My guess is that it would be similar to the quality of talent competing to be known as the Best Rapper in Utah. But you never know. There could be a few thousand Bruce Lee's secretly living in Warsaw. However, except for his fascination with Polish ninjas he was otherwise reasonably sane. Or so I thought. One day I opened my morning paper to discover that he had attempted to use his legendary Polish ninja skill to rob a poker game. Which was being held in the home of a bounty … [Read more...]

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Even Dumber When They’re Drunk

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September 25, 2012 by
Nah, he's still got the cool table. He'll be fine.

Those of you who know me know that I am a fan of the occasional frosty cold adult libation. And I'm not that picky about which occasion it is. I have celebrated toupees. every September 2 I, just like you - I'm sure, celebrate National Beheading Day. Is too a real holiday. Click the link if you don't believe me. Anyway, I celebrate it. Simply put, I like beer. And I like to celebrate stuff. And, to be honest, it isn't as though I've never made the odd minor judgmental error while imbibing. I have, you have, we all have. One minute you're in Kansas waiting for a bus and the next you're in Denver driving that bus. How you got from point A to … [Read more...]

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Drunk, Naked & Busted

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August 9, 2012 by
It's 5 O'Clock somewhere.

The whole Randy Travis debacle seemed like low hanging fruit. After all it's just one minor incident in a land full of incidents. And, more importantly, Randy Travis has a history of embarrassing himself in public. It's what he does these days. I believe he's a follower of the Kim Kardashian school of publicity. I'm not sure how well that will play to country music fans but there's no denying he's been getting some serious pub these last few months. But it seems that Randy Travis isn't a lone icon naked on the side of the road. Nay, I say unto thee, it appears he's doing what the kids call "trending." That's right, he's just a blip on the … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: , , , , ,

Why Yes, That Is Still a Crime

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May 24, 2012 by
That's from the WNC desk in Egypt

I love a good crime. By that I mean the kind where no one gets hurt and the bad person gets brought to justice, such as it is these days. I'll admit that I would prefer there be no crime at all but that doesn't seem very realistic. I also happen to like a good conspiracy theory. One of my enduring faves is the whole sub-culture of UFOligists who claim to have been threatened by the men in black. They all point to the story of Dr. Herb Hopkins as though this was the proof you've been looking for. Okay, just for poops and giggles, let's look at Dr. Hopkins' story. Dr. Hopkins claimed to have definitive proof of the existence of UFOs. He also … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Responsible Ones

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May 3, 2012 by
idiot-picture

This Saturday night all right thinking Americans will be glued to Nude Hippo dot com or, if you live somewhere there is no internet, to NBC 5.2 (check your local listings). You see, this week marks the 15th Anniversary of Nude Hippo. 15 years of responsible adults doing things that are, for the most part, wildly irresponsible. I, for example, was tattooed by a stranger while being interviewed by a former hockey cheerleader and videotaped by a guy who claims to be either a simple citizen or member of an Eastern European crime syndicate (it depends on which day you catch him). . And not just any tattoo, I have the company logo forever on my … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Around Chicago, Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: , , , , ,

We End as We Began

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December 30, 2011 by

We rocked into 2011 surrounded by idiots and Floridians. We leave 2011 in the dust with much the same crowd. In fact I can't remember a year where there has been so much bad science. Oh, sure, you'd get the occasional "this bracelet cures arthritis" or something like that. But recent years have given way to pseudo-science and outright fraud at an alarming rate. From the anti-immunization insanity - thanks for helping people catch previously wiped out diseases you morons - to the flat out fraud of anti-evolution crowd, people seem more willing than ever to put even the most obvious evidence to the curb so they can snuggle up with fallacies. … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: , , , , ,

Getting Attention

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November 5, 2011 by

Welcome to Saturday. You've made it through another tough week and need a break from it all. I understand that, it's why I'm here. As most of you know I tend to avoid political discussions up here since that road leads to angry emails and plaintive demands that I never procreate. It really doesn't matter which side of the discussion I appear to be on, the other side will respond thusly. Still, when I read about the bi-partisan tax bill that is currently working its way into our wallets, I had to pause. One element of it would allow Sears to keep 50% of all state income tax paid by existing employees and 100% from new employees. That does not … [Read more...]

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It’s a Family Affair

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October 19, 2011 by

Family, it's the cornerstone of all civilization. No matter your religion or ethnicity or zip code, without family you - literally - would not exist. Granted, some families are different than others. Some reside in veritable communes, some in rigid patriarchies and others somewhere in between. Some familes make you wonder how inbred they are, as is the case with the recently discovered cyclops shark (happy birthday uncle dad?) or the Kentucky genius who was arrested after telling cops he'd only had two pizzas to drink. Of course he made the cops' job much easier by leaving his heroin all over the front seat of his car. But those are isolated … [Read more...]

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New Mexico. The New Florida?

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September 7, 2011 by
map

My beloved White Sox have been cursed by a Big Donkey and relegated to a baseball afterthought. My new neighbor refuses to remove his wind chimes when he goes to bed because of religious reasons. As I noted yesterday, that would have something to do with the Church of Satan as far as I'm concerned. The Bulls appear to be set for a winter in Mexico since they won't be playing basketball and the Hawks look to emulate the Charlestown Chiefs, which is actually cool with me. It's hockey, not Disney on ice. In other words, it looks like I'll have some free time. One thing I won't be doing with my free time is visiting New Mexico. Not even on a fly … [Read more...]

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