Peace Through Beer

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July 12, 2012 by Bill McCormick

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. Henry Lawson Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. Jack Nicholson Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. Kaiser Wilhelm God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer. Anne Sexton * Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. Frank Zappa Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink. Homer Simpson I guess we call all be … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: Beer, India, muree, pakistan, world peace

Quality of Life

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April 18, 2012 by Bill McCormick

A buddy of mine is going to die. To be blunt, by the time you read this he may already be dead. Anyway, I went to go see him yesterday. Before I got there I asked if there was anything he wanted and there was. So I stopped on the way and got a six pack of beer, a pizza (supreme, extra crispy) and some ice. They have plenty of buckets in the hospital. A nurse saw me and started to say something until I mentioned who I was visiting. She knew as well as any of us that this stuff stood no chance of doing my buddy any harm. And it might do him some psychological good. She shrugged and found us some plates. The three of us sat watching the Sox game … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: Beer, death, pizza

Flora Diddy Doo Diddy Dumb

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March 13, 2012 by Bill McCormick

The lovely Ms. Ivy Pearl. Check out her new photo collection at http://www.facebook.com/Ivypearl100.

Florida is an interesting place. I have noted, on numerous occasions, that it is where the gene pool has gone to die. While crimes and idiocy happen everywhere they just seems to be more conspicuous in Florida. That being said, even a blind squirrel can find a nut once in a while so we must laud Florida when it has a good idea. Barbara Hijeck is reporting that Floridians are replacing flash mobs with cash mobs to support local businesses. Flash mobs? So yesterday. Meet the Cash Mob. The first cash mob is believed to have hit in Buffalo, NY then spread like an cash epidemic across the country. Tampa's Secret Cash Mob made its … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: Beer, dumb, florida

Booze News You Can Use

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January 6, 2012 by Bill McCormick

First, a confession. I have been known to tipple the occasional frosty cold adult libation. Not to dwell on the thought but I have ranked my local watering holes. I was able to do this by sampling their wares on several occasions. I like to be thorough about these things. Fortunately for you I put the same kind of dedication and research into my efforts here. Sometimes I get to combine my efforts. Some of the best stories up here have been researched while I was researching beer. I bring this up so that you understand that I am fond of beer. It does not give me pleasure to make beer look bad. I would much rather write about guys like Benjamin … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: Beer, fun, gas chamber, Santorum, sex toys

Food In The News

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November 1, 2011 by Bill McCormick

Since I tend to get accused of being an unctuous curmudgeon I thought I'd start this story on a happy note. The state of New jersey sentenced a stray puppy to to death in a gas chamber. What? Not happy enough for you? Oh okay, how about this? The puppy lived. In only the 3rd occurrence since they instituted the gas chamber for strays 12 years ago the little scamp emerged from the happy death camp wagging his tail and coughing slightly. He has been sent to a no kill shelter and is up for adoption. Everyone involved is, of course, wanting to name him Lucky and talking about divine intervention. The sad part is that some of the people who want … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: arrest, Beer, fake, food, maple syrup, morons, safeway

Beer Goggles

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October 5, 2011 by Bill McCormick

Have you ever wondered what some people are thinking? They somehow manage to open their mouths and nothing but stupid falls out. No, I'm not talking about Hank Williams, Jr., a man of whom Deadspin said "exists solely to remind us that genius skips a generation." No, instead I thought I'd mention Jeff Smith. You may not know him but he was big news in Missouri. He was imprisoned for a year for violating Federal election laws and being a jerk. Well, maybe not the jerk part, but they should have tossed that in. Anyway, now free to roam among us he has, naturally, started a blog. Does he talk about redeeming his place in society? No. Does he … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Bill McCormick, World News Center Tagged With: Beer, fun, oktoberfest, prison sex

Space Beer!

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June 26, 2011 by Bill McCormick

People come up to me on the street all the time and say "Get away from my daughter you freak! Don't make me call the cops!" I wish they'd stop doing that. It makes shopkeepers nervous while I'm trying to buy smokes. Anyway, today's not about me. Today's about one of the most important topics I could think of when it comes to science. Black holes swallowing the solar system? Leave that to the amateurs. Quantum string theory and faster than light travel? HAH! A mere bag of shells. A single site injectable cure for all viral diseases that would end Aids and cancer all in one shot? Nah. That can wait. Bother me not with any of these picayune … [Read more...]

Filed Under: World News Center Tagged With: aliens, Beer, bikini, party, space, ufo porn, wet burp

Bikini Alerts!

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June 8, 2011 by Bill McCormick

The only swim wear in the history of humanity to be inspired by an atomic explosion, the bikini has become the most popular swimsuit on the planet. Originally it was more akin to a tube top with straps and a pair of Daisy Dukes. Since then the bikini has evolved into a combination of sexy and fun. Although most suits are relatively traditional, a cute top and a bottom, and worn by a wide variety of people there are many wild variations that can either cause you to seek therapy or just laugh out loud. Far from the exclusive purview of fallen women and French harlots now it's worn by fine, upstanding, women of pure morals like our very own Amy … [Read more...]

Filed Under: World News Center Tagged With: Beer, bikini, invention, six flags, solar powered, zombies

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

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March 17, 2011 by Bill McCormick

The little, poorly made, nameplate on my desk says World News Center. Since that is so, I feel it is my duty to look beyond the musty confines of my locale and imbue you with knowledge of the greater world around you. I can already hear some of you saying, "Hey Doofus! It's St. Patrick's day. We already get that. Wear green, drink beer! What else do you need to know?" Well, ye of little knowledge, you'd be surprised. St. Patrick's Day in Ireland, for example, bears no resemblance to the Bacchanal celebrated in America. It's a somber, religious, holiday where people pray for enemies to no longer taint their shores and for blessings to be laid … [Read more...]

Filed Under: World News Center Tagged With: Beer, bill mccormick, holiday, Nude Hippo, saint patrick, san patricio

Our Robot Overlords Brought Beer!

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December 22, 2010 by Bill McCormick

What a glorious day here in Hippo-Land (still the most undeveloped amusement park in the world). You have no idea the amount of joy I feel when I wake up and find my two favorite topics - the subjugation of humanity by sentient mechanoids and beer - neatly tied together in one fun article. "Now you just wait a minute there Mr. Bill," you cry, "what about sex? We're pretty sure you like sex." Well, sure, I'm getting older, not deader. I still appreciate the fine turn of a woman's calf, the way her gluteous maximus undulates slowly when empowered by a pair of high heels, the gentle teasing of her curvaceous cleavage as it attempts to … [Read more...]

Filed Under: World News Center Tagged With: Beer, bill mccormick, chinese food, Nude Hippo, overlords, robot