I didn't know how much I missed depravity and idiocy until I spent a week writing about Christmas. Oh, sure, there's a lot of violence and booze associated with the holiday, and that's just the officially sanctioned stuff, but it wasn't the same. Most of it was historical and I missed the immediacy of the real world. Not that sharing how Christmas caroling evolved from stoning your neighbors wasn't fun, but it's not like I could share a video or anything. And, really, is there a holiday story that can warm the heart like hearing about a guy who crashed a $380K sports car that he'd won earlier in the day? Sure it was lime green and from the … [Read more...]
All Roads Lead to Jail
May 11, 2011 by
We've all done some stupid things in our lives. It's why some of us have stories about going to a party in Kansas City and waking up in Denver. Or, in one of our more whimsical moments, we've found ourselves naked outside the Adler Planetarium, on top of a police car, engaged in carnal relations with someone whose name has long since been forgotten. And, sure, I know we've all had one of those Kodak moments wherein we thought it was a good idea to bust out our best Lambada moves at a funeral. Oh, quit hemming and hawing, you know you have. In other words, we all have wonderful stories we can use to send our grandkids to years of therapy. … [Read more...]
Another Column About Nothing
April 4, 2011 by
It was a lovely night. For the first time in a long time I slept with my windows open and the heat turned off. I woke up feeling relaxed and happy. Much to my continuing joy, none of my cats were doing anything insane. I realized that I still had half a pack of smokes so I didn't have to rush to the local store. And, bonus for me, I had a fresh pot of coffee. Everyone knows I'm not nice without my coffee. Bonus for you, I made arrangements yesterday so that every Sunday will feature an article from Ian O'Neill at Discover Magazine so you kids can catch up on the wild world of science. In other words, today was shaping up to be a great … [Read more...]
What A Waste of Perfectly Good Money
December 19, 2010 by
For those who think this is going to be one of those pretentious polemics whining about the government's wasteful purchase of $10,000 toilet seats or some fool's ridiculously overpriced wedding, you are about to be disappointed. It's not that I can't write about stuff like that, it's just that it's not really funny. I'd rather leave you with a smile than a splitting headache. Besides, I'm in a good mood this morning, so why drag myself down? My Northwest Dot Com reports that a group of bank robbers decided to evade capture by tossing large quantities of money out of the window of a Nissan Maxima. Much to their surprise the police were … [Read more...]
