Are We Doing Anyone Any Favors?

Self taught isn't as useful as some people think.

When I was a younger B3 I played team sports in school. I wasn't real good at any of them but I tried, I had fun and I made friends. Which, when we're discussing kids is probably the more valuable experience. Of course there was that one kid that everyone could tell was special. The kid who had real talent. And you all remember what parents and coaches would say to that kid; "You'd better keep your grades up or you'll never get into college and be able to go pro." And it was, and still is, true. Most colleges require a 2.3 (out of 4.0), or a C+/B-, grade point average (GPA) in the core curricula; reading, writing, arithmetic, history and … [Read more...]

Okay, Sure, It Could Kills Us All, But It Would Still Be Cool

Vulcan, it's a hot planet .... very, very hot.

A while back I wrote about Miguel Alcubierre. He was the fun loving scientist who figured out how faster than light travel was possible without violating Einstein's laws. He did this despite finding out that Jason Richwine said he didn't have the intelligence of white, native, Americans. If I take that statement literally I think it means that Cochise was white. Which I am going to guess is a fact that will come as a shock to his generational progeny. Anyway, idiots aside, Miguel figured it out. But he was stymied by the fact that infinite speed required infinite energy. Harold White, no relation to Cochise, is a scientist at NASA and he … [Read more...]

Making Lesbians One At A Time

Last year, after a lengthy court battle, Greek courts ruled that residents of the Isle of Lesbos could not sue women who called themselves lesbians. Yes, that was a real lawsuit. And, yes, that was a real result. So, now that that's out of the way, let's move on to other women's issues. As the more astute among you may have noticed, despite the fact that I really, really like the feminine form, I am not a woman. Yet, despite that horrid shortcoming, I can, and do, sympathize with the plight of women in our modern society. Erik Berkowitz has a brilliant article about how modern attempts to limit women's ability to control their bodies would … [Read more...]

Just Say Yes

We've all been there. The one night stand that was not a very good idea. Whether the date was "Coyote Ugly" (so ugly you'd chew your arm off rather than wake him/her) or that downward spiral of realizing you were trapped with ten pounds of crazy stored in a five pound bag, doesn't matter. What matters is that you've been there. As have I. However, there are people who don't quite grasp the concept of leaving. Of walking out the door, catching a cab, going to breakfast and pretending this never happened. Even if something shows up on You Tube, you just deny, deny, deny. For whatever reasons, and I blame meth or home schooling or some … [Read more...]

Do We Really Need This?

The world has never needed an electric dog polisher. That hasn't stopped someone from inventing one but my soul is heartened by the fact that it didn't sell well. Although I am saddened that it sold at all. History is littered idea that should never have made it out of the bar. And you know that all of these ideas were hatched in bars. It is the only excuse for the brilliant children's toy, Boner the Humping Dog. No, that's not a typo. How about the beginner's guide to Russian Roulette? You know, so you can get in a few practice rounds before you play with live rounds. Of course I would be remiss if I didn't mention a dumb idea that could … [Read more...]

Superficial and Stupid is Not a Good Combo

Do you remember the bombing at the Boston Marathon? I do because I knew a couple of people in the race. It took several hours to find out they were safe. Which they were and are. Before we begin I will be the first to admit that there are a couple of unanswered questions; (1) "Why was there a shoot out if the kid didn't have a gun?" springs to mind and is followed by; (2) "How is it legal to buy that much fireworks without a permit?" Beyond that, not so much. My first running clue that the FBI got it right was the fact that so many callers said "That's my friend ... (pick one or the other)..." when the pictures were first released. If it's … [Read more...]

Happy Mutha’s Day

As I noted on Facebook the odds are staggeringly in favor of the fact that your loving and nurturing mother has been auditioning finger puppets while reading 50 Shades of Grey. People don't like to think of their moms like that but if your mom didn't do the mattress mambo you wouldn't be here. So while you're taking her to a champagne brunch and ordering a chocolate croissant for her you might want to invest in a gift certificate from Taboo-Tabou. I mention this since I have been recently dating a mom. It's okay, she's divorced and everything. Her kids, both teens, know, intellectually, that we do more than play Canasta and go to church, but … [Read more...]

Animal Stories

Before we begin I'd like to remind everyone that tomorrow is the last day of International Clitoris Week. If you haven't done so already go and find a clitoris and show it how much you appreciate it. There's still two weeks left in National Masturbation Month so there's no need to rush for that one. That's right, just take it slow and easy. Yeah, just like that, Jake from State Farm. Our female readers are welcome to combine the two holidays. The more creative male readers may make a game attempt as well. I think that it is holidays like this that help bring people together. They cut across all cultural lines. After all, you have everything … [Read more...]

Psychics Suck

It will rain on May 9th, 2013. That will be $20.00.

Regular readers know that I hold psychics in the same regard as armed robbers. Except they aren't as ethical. They prey on the weak minded and gullible. They fill their head with specious notions and transient proofs. I have pointed out that such people aren't just harmless providers of mirth. They are dangerous. When people cite the fact that psychics have a long, and honorable, history they are woefully distorting the facts. Or just ignoring them. Ancient, pre-Christian, monks who made predictions did so for the purposes of planting crops and knowing the weather patterns for the upcoming year. That is why so many ancient buildings could be … [Read more...]

Road Trip

This kind of stuff happens to me all the time.

A lesson in perspective; If you are standing on flat, uninterrupted, ground the farthest you can see is about 3 miles. You may discern the tops of mountains or skyscrapers farther out since they rise above the curve of the earth but you are otherwise limited in what you can see. Also, if you are top of the aforementioned mountains and skyscrapers, you can see much further than normal because you are above the curve of the Earth. This is why, no matter how clear the weather may be, or how powerful your binoculars are, you can't see from Chicago to Tokyo. Or even Duluth. Heck, you can't even see Des Plaines from the Loop. I bring this up since … [Read more...]